Belonging
by celticgina
Summary: We all feel like the outsider sometimes. This is an entry for the March Jell-o Challenge. Reviews make me happy.


**This is my entry for the March Jell-o Challenge. As I tried to decide who should be standing on the outside, it occurred to me that we all feel that way. **

**DISCLAIMER: According to the email I got today, if I forwarded it to 12 people my wish would come true. Until that happens, they belong to CBS and Heller.**

* * *

**BELONGING**

Large manila envelopes on her desk rarely held good tidings. It had been stiffened with cardboard and bore the name of a photo studio in Fresno. Lisbon groaned to herself. She had a collection of these she stashed in a file drawer somewhere. She hated the contents without looking. She pushed it to one side, without any intention of opening it. But like most of her good intentions, this one was submarined by Jane.

"Oh, this is from the gala. I might want a copy of this."

Lisbon snorted. "Are you telling me you would put this in a pretty frame over your sofa? I don't think so. Just give it to me. I will put it with the others."

Mischievous and bored Jane had other plans. He held it high over his head just out of her reach. Their scuffle in the doorway of her office drew the attention of the rest of the team.

As they headed over, Jane reached the envelope higher and handed it to Rigsby with instructions to open it. By now they were all crowded around for a look. There in the moment captured, they stared at themselves. To an outsider, they were a handsome group, beautifully dressed. Rigsby smirked as he remembered the photographer's annoyance when he and Cho had switched places at the last moment so he could be next to Grace.

As in any group photo, their eyes' were drawn to their own picture first. But gradually, they took in the others. Each stared at the photo, suddenly saddened by the thought, "I really don't belong in this picture."

Jane had been photographed thousands of times. He had seen how he looked in a tuxedo. Hell, he even owned that one. The familiar contours of his face held no fascination. Rather, he was disturbed by his own presumption that he was in this picture. _"I really should have bowed out. They are all agents. This should have been just them. Look at them all, each with his or her own sense of justice wrapped around a shining badge and belief in right and wrong. I am twisted, I know by my own anger. It isn't' justice that leads me. It's time passage as I wait for my vengeance. The fine line between justice and vengeance bothers me not at all. But the rest of them, they know exactly where it is and live by its borders. I really don't belong in this picture"_

Over the years, Cho had learned to not let it bother him. He hated taking group pictures for this reason alone. _"Look at this. It looks like a prom picture and I am the loser who couldn't get a date. I wonder if Jane and Lisbon will even notice how close they stand at moments like this. Look at them all. This is why I stayed with my own kind for so long. I almost forgot how different I am. Yeah, I know, we are all brothers under the skin, yeah yeah. But when your skin is yellow and eyes shaped like mine, you are different. The world sees you as different, especially the white world. I stick out like a sore thumb. It looks even worse because I let Rigsby talk me into switching places. Next to a blonde white guy. Yeah, I blend. I really don't belong in this picture"_

At the time, switching with Cho had seemed like such a good idea. He would be next to Grace and maybe he could glom a copy and cut the rest out so it looked like just the two of them together. _"Oh crap! What the hell was I thinking? I should have been sitting or something. Or at least 2 feet behind every one. I look like a freak. Even with Grace in heels, I still tower over them all. And like an idiot, I listened and stood up straight. It makes it even worse. They all look normal and oh Grace looked great that night. I look like the kid who was left back a grade in the class picture. I should have just hidden in the men's room or something. I really don't belong in this picture"_

Teresa had really planned to not even open this envelope. She had almost forgotten about the picture. Honestly, had they been called away on that case 10 minutes sooner, they would have been able to skip it all together. _"Look at my face. I know I am still raw over everything that happened, but how hard would it have been to smile just a little? I look like I am sucking a lemon. I hated that night. I hated dressing up for those idiots with money. I hated their false proclamations of sympathy about Sam. I really wanted to be home in sweats with a pint of ice cream God! Even Cho has a little smile on his face. Probably laughing at the snit the photographer threw when he and Rigsby switched places. They are all smiling. Not me. God forbid I manage to be sweet and smile. Of course, I am next to Van Pelt and her smile. It makes it even worse. I really don't belong in this picture"_

When your hair is bright red, you stand out in pictures. It's just a fact of life. Very rarely is there anyone else with red hair in a group photo. Even in family pictures, her hair was always a brighter red. Sometimes she forgot. "_Oh my God! I look ridiculous. Bad enough they are all wearing black and I look like I am running for prom queen in a purple dress. There it is, that hair. Oh yes, and smiling like a prom queen too. I look like an idiot. They all have nice restrained smiles on their faces. Even Wayne, hmm he looked yummy in that tux, managed to tone down that goofy sweet grin. Hell, Lisbon isn't even smiling. I should have taken my cue from her. They all look like serious members of an elite unit. Serious Crimes, nope I look more like someone's date and not a member of the unit. The too eager rookie gets it wrong again. Why the hell didn't I ask Lisbon what she was wearing? I should have just skipped this picture. Next year, I wear something more subdued. Something serious. I really don't belong in this picture"_

Without another word, Rigsby handed the photo back to Lisbon who promptly shoved it back into its envelope. No one asked for a copy. No one discussed it at all. It would go into that file drawer along with all their insecurities. They all headed back to their respective places, determined to make themselves fit into the picture they had just seen. Each was a pretty sure it was an impossible task and they would be forever the one who didn't belong in the picture.


End file.
